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Healing

How Do I Trust Myself Again After Narcissistic Abuse?

By Janet Barry, founder of Safe & Seen

One of the hardest parts of healing from abuse has been learning to trust myself again.

After years of surviving in harmful environments, I found myself trying to reconnect with who I was underneath all the adapting. My personality. My sensitivity. My creativity. My faith. The parts of me that hadn’t felt safe to flourish.

For me, healing has meant more than moving on from a relationship. It has meant discovering that my needs, perceptions, and voice deserve space.

If you’re asking, “How do I trust myself again?” I want to begin here: struggling with self-trust does not mean you are incapable of making good decisions.

How abuse can undermine self-trust

When your experiences are repeatedly denied, your feelings dismissed, or your boundaries met with blame, you may begin questioning yourself before anyone else even speaks.

Am I being too sensitive? Did that really happen? Am I asking for too much?

Gaslighting can gradually undermine confidence in your own perceptions. The National Domestic Violence Hotline describes this erosion of trust as an effect of emotional abuse.

You don’t need to establish that someone has narcissistic personality disorder to take the harm seriously. You can look at their behavior and its impact on you.

Start by listening, without demanding certainty

For me, reconnecting with myself has included making room for feelings I once pushed aside to keep functioning or keep the peace.

That doesn’t mean every feeling is a fact or every fear predicts danger. It means my experience deserves attention before I dismiss it.

You might gently ask:

• What am I feeling right now?
• What happened, as specifically as I can describe it?
• What do I need?
• What information or support would help me decide?

Self-trust can include uncertainty. You can take your discomfort seriously while giving yourself time to understand it.

Give yourself small opportunities to choose

You don’t have to begin with a life-changing decision.

You might start by choosing how to spend an afternoon, expressing a preference to someone supportive, or giving yourself time before answering a request.

The purpose is to practice having a voice and noticing that you can listen to it.

A trauma-informed approach centers safety, collaboration, and your right to make choices. Support should help you regain agency rather than replace someone else’s control with a new set of demands.

Approach your body gently

Somatic awareness is part of my approach, but reconnecting with your body doesn’t have to mean intense breathwork or forcing yourself into uncomfortable sensations.

You might notice the support of your chair, look around the room, or hold something familiar. You can keep your eyes open. You can stop.

I believe the invitation matters: Does this feel supportive for me today?

Your body’s signals deserve curiosity, but they don’t have to carry the entire responsibility for deciding whether a person or situation is safe. You can also consider observable behavior, consistency, and support from people you trust.

Let boundaries serve your safety

A boundary might sound like, “I need time to think,” or, “I’m not comfortable with that.”

But there is no requirement to confront someone to prove you are healing. If you’re still in an abusive relationship, consider what is safe in your circumstances. A domestic violence advocate can help you explore options without pressuring you into a particular decision.

The Hotline recognizes that asserting boundaries in an abusive relationship can bring additional risks and encourages individualized safety planning.

Make room for who you are becoming

Painting, creativity, faith, and connection have become meaningful parts of finding myself again.

Your path may look different. You may reconnect with old interests or discover preferences you never had room to explore.

You don’t have to become the person you were before. You’re allowed to find out who you are now.

For me, self-trust is becoming less about needing certainty and more about knowing I can listen, seek support, reconsider, and make another choice.

You deserve a relationship with yourself where your voice is heard.

At Safe & Seen, I offer nonclinical, trauma-informed one-on-one coaching and women’s support groups focused on self-trust, boundaries, identity, and connection. My work can complement licensed therapy.

Learn more at safe-and-seen.com.